Abby Van Buren addresses backyard privacy
The columnist advises readers that fenced yards are private spaces and that no-contact orders must be respected.
By Andrew Yang ·
Backyards have long been considered private extensions of the home, yet that boundary is occasionally tested by visitors who lack an invitation. On November 5, 2026, the Dear Abby column, written by Abigail Van Buren, addressed two reader inquiries regarding personal boundaries and past relationships.
One reader described a scenario where two young women entered a fenced backyard through a narrow path behind a driveway. The property was enclosed by an eight-foot privacy fence, with the only opening invisible from the street. The women approached the resident while he was grilling dinner. One identified herself as a college student from Europe, and the pair claimed to be selling magazines.
The resident asked the pair to leave the property, noting that strangers should use the front door. He added that trespassing can be dangerous and that his dog was inside the house at the time. The reader asked if there are locations where entering a fenced yard without permission is acceptable. He suspected the women were not students or legitimate salespeople.
Abigail Van Buren responded that the women were foolish, rude, and illegal. She stated that backyards are sacrosanct in both Europe and the United States. She described the women's story as malarkey and suggested they were playing dumb because they were caught.
A second letter came from a man who met a woman in high school fifty-two years ago. They dated for two years after graduation. He ended the relationship without explanation, citing a new partner, and married that partner within a year. For two decades, he sent birthday wishes. After several attempts, he received a certified letter demanding no contact. He has not spoken to her in thirty years.
The man asked if he should send an apology letter for the years he never expressed regret. He described himself as insensitive and an idiot. He wanted to know if it was right to address the past after more than half a century.
Van Buren advised the man to stop being selfish. She noted that the woman wants nothing to do with him and that she would not forgive him regardless of how sincere the apology was. She stated the letter would benefit the sender, not the recipient, and recommended leaving the emotional trauma in the past.
The Dear Abby column was founded in 1956 by Pauline Phillips. Her daughter, Jeanne Phillips, wrote the column for nearly four decades. Readers can contact the column at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135 in Kansas City, Missouri.
